Thursday, September 25, 2014

Help Me Choose The Best Logline

HELP!

Okay, good, now I have your attention. You clicked on the link, you are reading this...there is no turning back now. I need your help. Yes. Yours.

You see, I'm trying to put together a book proposal for my novel, The Stump of the Terebinth Tree, and I need to include a logline (my book described in a single sentence). I've written dozens of them and I'm having trouble figuring out which one I should use.


Yep. I need you to help me choose which logline to use. Below I have pasted four loglines that may or may not be any good. I want you to pick your favorite and then comment below, telling me which one it is. It doesn't matter if you know nothing about loglines. It doesn't matter if you don't write books...or even read them. I just want to know which one draws your attention the most. So here they are:
  1. A young desert elf, fighting to save his people from a tyrannical ruler possessed by evil itself, uncovers a prophecy linked to an ancient terebinth tree – and the promise of deliverance.  
  2. A young desert elf finds his faith and courage as he battles to save his homeland from a tyrant possessed by evil itself.
  3. Chosen to assassinate a possessed usurper, a young desert elf must rely on blind faith and friendship to defeat the enemy before his entire world is enslaved.
  4. Battling demonic forces in order to save his people from bondage, a young desert elf risks losing his family, faith, and sanity.
What do you think? Do any of them trigger your curiosity and make you want to read the book? If so, please comment it's number below. If you didn't like any of them, then comment that. I'm serious. It will not hurt my feelings. I would really welcome the honesty. If you didn't see one that stood out to you, but you have an idea for a better one, please comment it. I really need help. Please do not leave this page without leaving a comment! There is no wrong choice, no wrong suggestion. Just your honest opinion. Any comments you have would be much appreciated. =) Thank you!

18 comments:

  1. #4 sparked my curiosity most. Good luck with the proposal.

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  2. Hi Hannah! I think #4 is the best choice; it hints at conflict with adventure, without anything specific details that would give anything away. It also suggests that it's more than just an adventure; it's personal. I hope this helps and good luck with the proposal!

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  3. I agree with Jasmine that you don't want to give too much away, but I personally don't think you should be too generic either. Of course, what qualifies as generic is also only my opinion. That said, 1 and 3 are my top picks, with perhaps a slight edge given to 3.

    As a suggestion, perhaps you might consider combining parts from each. The parts that trigger my curiosity the most are the assassination (and the battle), the prophecy, and "faith and friendship." Since I don't know enough plot details, this might not work, but here's an example:

    "Tasked with the assassination of a possessed, tyrannical usurper, a young desert elf risks all as he relies on faith and friendship in the battle to [save his people and] uncover a prophecy linked to an ancient terebinth tree – and the promise of deliverance."

    I erred on the long side. If it has any potential, I'm sure you could improve and/or pare it down. Anyway, I'm as intrigued as ever! =)

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    1. Wow. Thank you so much! I was thinking that the word 'assassination' would trigger interest. ;-) Thanks for the suggestions! I like you logline. I think I just figured out how to cut it down so that it will work perfectly. Thank you!

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  4. Abigail and I both like 3 best, followed by 4.

    I wouldn't worry too much about giving things away here--if the specifics you give us sounds interesting, we'll still want to know *how* you did it. I like Dane's suggestion, above, too.

    If I were writing one, I would start with this formula:
    When [inciting incident], [character] must choose [between] or else [stakes].

    Maybe something like: When elves are ordered into hiding to evade the conquering armies of an evil tyrant, W. must choose whether to retreat to safety, or to lead a team of assassins on a deadly mission that will endanger his family, friends, and the entire known world.

    Except that doesn't mention prophecy or the terebinth tree, which are great details! Loglines are tough. :)

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    1. Thank you Mrs. Wilkins and Abby! It's looking like #3 has the most potential. =)

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  5. #3 sounds intriguing to me...and then no.4. Follow your heart...i am sure you will be spot on.

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  6. I recommend the format: the ____iest ____ in the _____. So—yeah! Maybe #4?

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  7. "Chosen to assassinate a possessed usurper, ..."

    This phrase alone inspired the vocal proclamation of "WOAH!!!"

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  8. I'm stuck between 1 and 2, although I think I'm leaning towards two. Has a rounded out summary with good appeal and general needed insight. :)

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  9. Personally, I love 3 and 4. For me, the first two don't flow very well and are too long for a proper logline.
    I liked the opening to #3 the best, but I personally didn't like the "blind faith" bit. In #4, I love how you mentioned that he might lose "his family, faith, and sanity." This added a bit of tension which is good.
    Good luck!
    Gabrielle

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    1. Thanks for the input! You're not the first person to mention not liking the 'blind faith' phrase, so I'm removing it. =) I really appreciate the comment!

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  10. This was posted a year ago, so you're probably not still taking votes... but if you are, #3 definitely caught my interest the most. I got really excited when I got to that one.

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    1. It's always great to get new votes. Thanks for the comment! It's cool to know that one of my loglines got you excited. =)

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  11. Between #3 and #4. In the former, maybe it would be good to change the word "chosen", because a lot of fantasy readers have an aversion to it. Apparently there's this thing about the main guy being a chosen one that's been overused. It still sounds awesome though. The assassin part caught my attention immediately. On four, the insanity is what drew me to it. What if you tried putting the insanity first? That's just my suggestion; I don't know the full-on plot, so my opinion is limited, but it sounds interesting and I can't wait to read it when it's out. Whatever line you choose, I'm sure it will work out. :)

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