I've been working on crafting the perfect query letter for about two months now and I finally wrote a pitch that I think tells the story nicely. I even used this pitch to enter the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, and it got me through the first round. But even though I'm rather happy with my little pitch, I know that it can always be improved. I've been fiddling with it for a few weeks, but I still have the nagging suspicion that I'm missing something. I'm not sure if that's just writer's insecurity or if there are things that need tweaking. I've been going back and forth on this for a while, and it's starting to drive me insane.
This post is pretty much a cry for help. If you read my pitch over and give me honest feedback, I will be eternally grateful. Don't worry about hurting my feelings. You can't possibly tell me anything negative about my writing that I haven't already told myself. =) So please, read it over. It's only 270 words long:
A mighty terebinth tree once grew in Thane, planted in honor of Masiah, the creator of all things. But when darkness seeps into Thane in the form of Elgar, a tyrannical warrior, the tree is cut down to a stump, disgracing Thane’s faith and causing many to lose hope.
Wanderer, a desert elf of seventeen, looks after his widowed mother and ill brother, watching helplessly as Elgar slowly enslaves Thane. But with the news of an impending attack upon his homeland, Wanderer realizes that Masiah is urging him into action. Scraping together a small band of outsiders, he sets out with a half-blooded she-elf and two siblings with pasts darker than the night sky. Their purpose – assassinate Elgar, no matter what the cost.
But when they discover that Lucien, father of evil and possessor of Elgar, plans to rule both the bodies and souls of all Thaneians, these four insurgents begin to understand that the freedom of their people will cost far more than they first reckoned.
As lives are lost and scars are formed, Wanderer wrestles with the desire to lose himself in the chaos. How can Masiah allow His people to suffer such hate and destruction? With this single question seared into his mind, he fights on, forced to rely on blind faith and friendship in order to finish his mission with both his life and his sanity intact.
Through these trials, Wanderer uncovers the prophecy of the ancient terebinth tree and catches a glimpse of what so many have been too blind to see – the old terebinth stump with a small green bud – the hope of deliverance.
Have any ideas as to how to improve it? PLEASE leave me a comment.